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April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
wants to rock and roll all night
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.