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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.