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I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.