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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it