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Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.