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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.