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Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.