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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.