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Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.