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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.