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Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.