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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time