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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Iām not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...