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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.