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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`