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Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.