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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.