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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.