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Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
Party like you will never be invited to another!
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.