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There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I like people... From a distance.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.