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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Check this one out.........1
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?