Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.