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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Word for the day is asstard
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!