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I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
My cardio is shopping.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...