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I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.