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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.