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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.