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I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Hard butter is the devil.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!