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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
How long does it take to get obsessed?