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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.