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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.