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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell