Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.