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This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.