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If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...