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Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.