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For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.