Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.