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Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
make little things count. teach midgets math.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.