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“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/