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Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.