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LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.