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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)