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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?