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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.