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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.