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Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.