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If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.