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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)