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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?