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"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?