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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Honk if you want to see my finger.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)