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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.