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I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.