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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.