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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
It needs more cowbell!!