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This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"