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They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.