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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.