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"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.