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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.