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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.