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Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.