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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."