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I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.