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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.