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10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?