Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".