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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.