Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.