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sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
The best things in life require no pants.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.