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I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I was born at a very early age.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"