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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.