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Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.