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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.