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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
I put the hot in psychotic.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?