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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
I make a great second impression.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.