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My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.