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Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
"Everybody freeze!" -December
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I am not as think as you drunk I am
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.