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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.