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Iām single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Not so great minds also think alike.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...