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Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.