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I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
I`m perfect you adjust.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.