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I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist